My name is John Smith

Travis and Paul were best friends and in the ninth grade. They didn’t like anything about school except the girls and the baseball. They were both on the junior high baseball team. Both wanted to be major league baseball players when they grew up.

On Thursday, baseball practice lasted for two hours after school. After practice, Travis and Paul were hungry and thirsty. Between them, they had $2.05. There was a small grocery store three blocks from the school.

“What can we buy for only $2?” asked Travis.

“We could split a soda and a candy bar,” replied Paul.

“That’s going to be hard to do, since I like orange soda and you like root beer,” said Travis. “And I hate peanuts in candy bars and you love them,” said Paul.

As they approached the store, they were still thinking about their problem. One solution, of course, was for one of them to pick the soda and the other to pick the candy bar. The problem with that solution would be that one of them would still be thirsty and the other would still be hungry.

“Wait a minute,” said Paul. “I’ve got an idea.” They stopped, and Paul told Travis his idea.

Maria and Lisa were best friends. They shared a two-bedroom apartment in Hollywood. Maria was a clerk at a clothing store, and Lisa was a clerk at a supermarket. Their hours varied, so they didn’t get to spend a whole lot of time together. But last weekend both were off work. “Let’s go to the beach,” suggested Maria.

“That’s a good idea,” agreed Lisa. “Which one?”

“Well, I would prefer an uncrowded beach, because I think I’ve put on a few pounds recently. I don’t want any boys seeing my fat.”

“Oh, please,” said Lisa. “You eat so little. Ounces don’t turn into pounds. How about Zuma Beach? That’s pretty far north of Santa Monica Beach, so it’s just right—not too crowded and not too empty.”

“That sounds good,” said Maria.

The drive to the beach took more than an hour. When they got there, the hot and sunny Hollywood weather had become cool, windy, and overcast beach weather. Both of them had been to the beach many times before, so they were not surprised by the change in weather. They put on their jackets, shoes, and socks, and headed north to hunt for seashells.

Within an hour they had collected about 20 beautiful shells into a plastic bag. They were still walking slowly north when they heard a roar. They turned around to see a four-wheel All Terrain Vehicle coming rapidly toward them. The driver braked at the last moment. Sand flew onto the two girls. They both screamed.

The driver was wearing a jacket that said Beach Patrol. He got off the ATV and started yelling at them. “What are you two doing here? Can’t you read? The signs say Private Property. They say No Trespassing. Get out of here before I write you a ticket and have you arrested.”

“What’s your name?” Maria stood defiantly. “I’m going to report you to the police. You’re not a real patrol officer. This is a public beach. Those signs are phony signs put up by homeowners who think they own the beach.”

“My name is John Smith. Report me to whoever you want. Now get out of here or you’ll be sorry.”

“You can’t make us leave. This is a public beach!” yelled Maria.